High School Parents – It’s Not All Their Fault

By Tom Flynn

My name is Tom Flynn and I am a recent Hall of Fame Inductee to the Palm Beach County Florida Sports Hall of Fame; a former member of the 1977 National Championship Notre Dame Football Team; a Free Agent Rookie, 1 of 86, tryout on the 1979 Dallas Cowboys of which I made it to the last 6 rookies before being released; a Graduate Assistant Coach at The University of Notre Dame from 1982 through 1986 working with the defensive backs, special teams and strength coaches.

I was enrolled in the Notre Dame Law School and Graduate Business Schools while a GA for Notre Dame graduating with both degrees in 1986 and joined the preeminent Wall Street Investment Banking Firm, Morgan Stanley & Co upon my graduation in business. I also was an athletic director at my high school alma mater.

The history of the existing coaching staff with both the school administration and parents are two key variables in every situation that will require a tweaking of any of my recommendations.

What I mean by the above is, if you have a long tenured football coach, who has communicated, early and often, his “Rules of Engagement” and has a great record for delivering results and developing his student-athletes, there can be more firmness by the coach, in both his leadership and decision-making roles. It is also assumed, in such circumstances, that a head football coach and, often, the athletic director will hold the same positions and that he will have the respect of both the parents and the full approval of the administration. The history and respect for the head football coach is high and when the athletic director is not the head football coach, then, there can be other variables: the history of the two administrators being a key point.

Nevertheless, one bit of advice that I believe is an across the board rule: A Head Football Coach Needs To Have a Communication Calendar & PUBLISHED: RULES OF ENGAGEMENT. Some schools even label these rules their 10 Commandments.

My experience is that good parental relationships come down to effective communication between the head coach and the parents as the most critical factor.

First-time parent meetings and team parent meetings [not always including their player children] are the critical introduction points to the coach’s “Rules of Engagement.” A head coach MUST provide clarity to parents regarding what his rules are. These rules are not only laid out player/team rules but also clearly laid out Parent/Team rules. It’s tantamount to a CONTRACT and many schools actually have such contracts in place between the coaches and the player parents that is a supplement to the General School’s Contract.

Parental and TEAM boundaries must be clearly set as to what the proper procedure is for approaching a head coach when a parent has a complaint regarding playing time, coaching decorum, coaching methods, parent/coach social interaction outside of the school environment and so forth. Parent’s, more so than ever today, feel that they have an equity position in their sports teams and WILL speak up and, should be allowed to speak up, as long as doing so is in accord with the proper rules of engagement.

If these “Rules of Engagement” are not laid out at the very outset of the parental/coaching /player relationships…….avoidable problems will arise. GUARANTEED !!

My best advice, to ALL NEW head football coaches and to head football coaches in the first 5 years at their position is to look at your administrative systems and determine if you have a proper communication calendar in place. If you haven’t communicated your Rules of Engagement and you are still the head football coach after 5 years, I would be pretty surprised.

Having good, effective communication WILL make all the difference in the world in re-establishing long term positive and respectful parent and coaching relationships.

I am developing a Football Mentorship Consulting Website with the objective to assist parent, youths, coaches and administrators develop athletic youths in a truly positive and long term beneficial manner. I believe that it will give them a leg up on obtaining college scholarships, become positive contributors to society and be future leaders of our country. Feel free to contact me at tflynn4857@gmail.com. The Website – footballmentorship.com – will be launched on July 10th.